The Council Speaks

Q: I'm a believer, and I've been married to my wife since before I accepted the Lord. She doesn't want anything to do with my faith in Jesus. I'm not sure if I should stay or go. Does the Bible say anything about my situation?

A: First and foremost, as a pastor, it is always my prayer and counsel for a married couple to remain together. Marriage is indeed hard work and a long work, as well, when two individuals with various differences decide to live together in marriage under God.

In Malachi 2:10–17, we see that God's chosen people, the Israelites, had broken God's covenant of marriage and remarried with foreign women, which had been forbidden by God. God's people in Malachi's day divorced their first wives to marry foreign wives. Malachi 2:16 tells us, "'I hate divorce!' says the LORD, the God of Israel."

In your situation, I would look at 1 Corinthians 7:10–16. In this portion of scripture, the encouragement for the believer is to remain married to the unbelieving spouse for the opportunity of being a witness to and for salvation in Jesus.

Keep showing grace and mercy, love to your spouse, and most importantly, pray and pray for your spouse's salvation. The Lord hears your prayers right away but will answer in his own time and own way-all He asks of us is to be faithful to Him and His Word and to continue to show grace and love and mercy to all our family members. Look to the Lord and His faithful Word.

-Frank Ward and his wife, Lori, serve at Kikino, Alberta, in pastoral ministry with the Kikino Bible Church. Frank is of the Cree tribe in Alberta.

A: As to whether the Bible has anything to say about your situation, the answer is that it definitely does. The related question of whether you should "stay or go" is also connected to the scriptures that speak to this matter.

In 1 Corinthians 7:10–14, Paul revealed what God said about a Christian marriage: "Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife" (1 Corinthians 7:10,11).

This is basically what would need to happen to be in obedience to what Jesus said about divorce in Matthew 5:32, "But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery."

"But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise, your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. (1 Corinthians 7:12–14)

Sanctified by the Believing Spouse

The important part of this passage is found in verse 12, which reads, "If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her."

Paul was not giving his own opinion here but writing what the Holy Spirit was leading him to say about a situation such as the one you are dealing with. At the end of the chapter, he again gave his judgment on a similar issue and stated, "according to my judgment-and I think I also have the Spirit of God." (1 Corinthians 7:40).

Again, in 1 Corinthians 14:37 he stated, "If anyone thinks himself to be a prophet or spiritual, let him acknowledge that the things which I write to you are the commandments of the Lord."

Paul was giving a more detailed revelation about what the Lord's will is in relation to marriage and divorce when one of the spouses believes in Jesus and the other doesn't. The reason for remaining in the marriage is found in verse 14: "The unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband."

The idea of a wife being sanctified by a husband who is a believer is a bit difficult to understand when you first read it. The word sanctified means "to make or declare something to be sacred or holy." A Christian man who has the Holy Spirit in his life has received God's grace and is in some way a channel of that blessing to his wife and children. By becoming one flesh with his wife through marriage, he has, in some way, set his wife and children apart for God's protection on their lives through him.

A similar concept is found in the blessing of the food we eat. First Timothy 4:4.5 states: "For every creature of God is good, and nothing is to be refused if it is received with thanksgiving; for it is sanctified by the word of God and prayer."

The food itself has not been changed in any real way, but it has been set apart for the believer and made sacred by its relationship to the believer. In the same way, an unbelieving wife has been made "one flesh" with her husband because God has joined them in marriage. These scriptures show that because of her unique relationship to him, she is blessed through him even if she doesn't yet believe.

Saved through the Believing Spouse

This does not mean that the unbelieving wife is saved because her husband is a Christian. Paul goes on to ask in verse 16, "Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?" This indicates that she is not eternally saved because she is married to him, but that by remaining with her, he might lead his wife to salvation in the future. The influence of the Holy Spirit in his life could lead to his wife accepting the Lord as her Savior also.

The Apostle Peter wrote:

"Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste (pure) conduct accompanied by fear . . . Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered." (1 Peter 3:1,2 and 7)

In Ephesians 5:22, believing wives are told to "submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord." The passage that speaks to husbands says, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her" (Ephesians 5:25). Verse 28 says, "Husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies."

These scriptures show that the call to the husband is to love his wife unselfishly and unconditionally and to be willing to sacrifice his own desires to provide her with what she needs. In the same way that the wives who submit to their husbands can win them to Christ by their respectful and submissive behavior (1 Peter 3:1), a husband who loves his wife like Jesus loved the Church will no doubt have a profound effect on his wife as he shows the love of God to her.

Separating what God has Joined

Possibly, the thought behind the idea of leaving your wife is the prospect of finding a better or more like-minded wife in the future. This idea comes from our culture, which uses such phrases as, "We wanted different things," "We had very little in common" or "We grew apart" as justification for separating or ending a marriage. God's view of marriage requires a far more serious violation of the marriage vows to justify a divorce.

Jesus stated in a question about divorce, "Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, 'Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate" (Matthew 19:4–6).

This passage makes it clear that God joins a man and a woman in marriage. It is not the government or the church that creates this union; therefore, breaking apart a marriage becomes a very serious matter before God.

The Bible teaches that if there is adultery involved, divorce is an option. Also, if the non-believing wife were to leave her husband, the Bible teaches, "If the unbeliever departs, let him depart" (1 Corinthians 7:15). The husband should not try to force her to stay if she decides to live apart from him.

The passage does not state that the husband should divorce his wife if she leaves him, as 1 Corinthians 7: 11 states that "a husband is not to divorce his wife." Reconciling should be the goal, but the context here would suggest that if the unbelieving wife leaves for good, and reconciliation is not possible, divorce is an option.

Final Thought

Simply because your wife wants nothing to do with your faith in Jesus is not by itself a reason to leave her. It may seem that life would be a lot easier if you were to separate, but when you become a believer in Christ it's not just about you anymore. In a marriage, your wife is the most important person in your life and you are the person in the best position to lead her to Christ by showing her the character of Christ.

I trust that the Holy Spirit will lead you into the truth of these passages. God bless you.

-Randy Jackson is

Plains Cree From

Goodfish Lake, Alberta,

now residing in Las

Vegas, Nevada, with

his wife, Evangeline.

Randy is a renowned

gospel musician,

songwriter, recording

artist, Bible teacher, and lawyer.