Ferrets and other pain

 
Series: Laugh Again | Story 8

Last updated 5/17/2023 at 3:24pm

Pixabay/Sir_Tommy

I don't know about you, but I've never really liked pain. In ninth grade I weighed a whopping eighty-one pounds if I was carrying a suitcase so I decided to beef up by gorging myself on triple cheeseburgers and lifting weights.

One Saturday, as I lay on my back thrusting a barbell into the air, those thirty pounds got away from me. I can still recall the event in vivid technicolor-in slow motion, sometimes in the middle of the night.

That barbell came crashing toward my nose. My eyes crossed. My nose cracked. And the tears came. It was my third broken nose-the other two were in hockey. To this day, when I wiggle my nose, it sounds like a man crunching peanuts.

"Dad," said my son, gazing at my nose, "at least it's not on upside-down. You'd drown in a rainstorm."

Laughter helps. But still I don't welcome pain.

That's why I'm always amazed when people can't get enough of it. Take Reg Mellor. Reg is the reigning world champion of a dying sport called "ferret legging."


Since you may want to try it yourself, allow me to explain the rules. Ferret legging is a contest that involves the tying of the competitor's trousers at the ankles and the subsequent insertion into those trousers of a pair of the foot-long carnivores. The ferrets teeth may not be filed down and the contestant is not allowed undies, so you'll be wise to make sure the critter is well-fed.

Once the ferrets are lodged in your pants, the judges tighten your belt. The idea from this point onward is for you to stand still as long as you can while these little critters with teeth like razor blades try to chew their way out of your trousers. I kid you not.


Reg Mellor managed to harbor the ferrets in his trousers for five hours, twenty-six minutes.

Most of us don't go looking for pain. It finds us. Perhaps it is a knock on the door, a call on the phone, or a tap on the shoulder. In A Grief Observed, C.S. Lewis wrote, "What do people mean when they say, 'I am not afraid of God because I know He is good?' Have they never been to a dentist?"

My childhood dentist had a drinking problem, which isn't what you're looking for in a dentist. But my present dentist has a great plan for my teeth. Yes, he's caused discomfort and cost me money.

But I've also seen pain give way to new life as a child is born, and bring healing and hope as hurt people choose forgiveness and go on to comfort others.


Is it surprising then that the greatest experience of pain was God's greatest gift to us. As those nails pinned the battered body of Jesus to that cross, the pain of all the ages came crashing down on him. "By his wounds we are healed" said the prophet Isaiah.

This might not explain your suffering, but it assures us that a time will come when we'll truly understand, when our pain will give way to joy. The one who suffered for you, suffers with you.

That is, unless you put ferrets in your pants. That pain, my friend, is yours, and yours alone.

Phil Callaway is an author and speaker, who has been married to Ramona for 40 years. In a row. Visit him at philcallaway.

 
 

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