Last updated 1/26/2023 at 12:15pm
I don't like New Year's resolutions. Year after year I have declared, resolutely, to do or not do something, and year after year without fail, I fall short. I may last a solid two or three months, but I always quit, give up, and fail. And you know how I feel? Awful. Like I have failed. I hate failing.
The precious time between Christmas Day and New Year's Day is transitional. It's those precious seven days when we are still living in the old (2022) but are anticipating the new (2023). In years past, that threshold has been very difficult for me. I didn't want to say goodbye to the old and welcome the new. It was scary. I knew what the old looked like, felt like, even smelled like. And that was comforting to me.
But this year was different. This year, not only did I lose track of the day, I lost track of the hour within the day. It was oddly calming and relaxing. I stayed up late and slept in. Ate way too many Christmas goodies and not enough vegetables. I'm certain my jeans will not thank me.
During that liminal space where I forgot what day it was, I paid attention to what was important to me in the moment. I started and finished the book my mother gave me. I started and finished the Lego flower bouquet that Todd bought me. I snuggled with our kitten, played games with my family and friends and enjoyed the crisp winter air.
I also did some thinking, prompted by the book my mother gave me: How well do I notice people? How focused am I on myself? How well do I pay attention to what God is trying to get me to pay attention to?
This last question is the real "knife to the gut." I am convinced this is the reason I was to read this book during that liminal space. Perhaps it's even the reason I was completely ok with losing track of time-so I would become aware of my waning awareness of what God is trying to get me to pay attention to.
Being too busy can do that to a person. Especially being busy serving the Lord. A lyric in the song "O God Forgive Us" by For King and Country talks about the problem of being so busy doing God's work that we forget we're doing it for Him..
I won't make a New Year's resolution, but I will allow the Lord to remind me that He misses me, wants that deep relationship, and desires my daily awareness of Him. It touches those tender parts of my soul that only He knows. His reminder isn't a chastisement; it's not punishment or discipline. Rather, it's guidance and encouragement. It's filled with grace upon grace, and I hear my heavenly Father beckoning me home. He's not promising to fix everything going on in my life, but He's promising something better. To be there.
Perhaps I will make a resolution after all. To remember that God promises to be there. To receive the reminder that He misses me. To receive the grace He has so freely offered me. The grace He has so freely offered you.
Krystal Wawryzniak and her husband, Todd, serve the Lord by serving as Indian Life Ministries' director team.