Question: My husband and I became Christians two years ago. We are glad that we know the Savior, but we struggle with some things. Our families follow the traditional ways, and they are angry because we don't participate in feasts and ceremonies anymore. My cousin told me that if I really loved my grandparents, I would live the way they taught me to live. That really hurts me. How can I show my family I love them without turning my back on the Lord?

Answers: You have not told me what types of feasts or ceremonies you were speaking about, and so I cannot be specific in answering your questions as I might otherwise be. It seems to me, though, that there are three parts to the answer to your question. The first part has to do with relationship-between you and your families as well as with others.

What is it that gave meaning to your relationships in the past-the ceremonies and events themselves or the time spent together?

If it is the ceremonies, you will have to look carefully at the request and see if the ceremony is religious or cultural and social in nature. For most First Nations, there is a distinct difference. Some "ceremonies" are simply social events that celebrate community life or others are clearly religious events with a worship component. You might want to think of it as the difference between a county fair and a Sunday school picnic. Both have fun and relationship as part of the activity, but the Sunday school picnic has a spiritual tone of fellowship, worship and probably prayer to it. Knowing the difference can help you make an informed decision.

If, on the other hand, the focus of your relationship is spending time together, regardless of the activity, then maybe your family is simply longing for you to be with them in activities that bring you together. Feelings like happiness, closeness, togetherness and fun might be what they miss. If so, and, if the past activities are religious in nature, perhaps there are alternative ones you can be involved in with them.

Second, is the question of the activities themselves? Often, as Native Christians, our participation or non-participation in something has more to do with the opinion or understanding that someone else has about the spiritual or moral value of something rather than the one that scripture has or even the one we have ourselves. Scripture is clear that everyone should be convinced in themselves as to whether something is right or wrong for them (Romans 14). Do not allow someone else's conscience to be the judge of your activities. Neither should you be the judge of what is right for other people in these matters.

There is, of course, a question of balance, the leading of the Holy Spirit and the need to follow clear biblical teaching as well. I am not, nor would I encourage immoral or idolatrous behavior as a matter of personal liberty or choice covered under this teaching. There would no longer be liberty but will instead be taking license. If your own conscience convicts you, respond in the appropriate way!

Third is the issue of living lives pleasing to God. Scripture in Micah 6:8 (NIV) responds to the question of God's expectations of us with these words: "He has showed you, o man, what is good, and what does the Lord require of you? To act justice justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."

In simple terms, we must determine what is just and right in a situation, what is a merciful and compassionate response and what reflects an attitude of humility in our lives. Living in this way pleases God. How is this to be done in your life with your family? There is no formula because we are all different people, living in different situations. So how do we do it?

Peter offers of some principles to live by that flush out Micah's answer. They are found in second Peter 1:5–8: seven principles for victorious living and a productive witness for Jesus. I would encourage you to study them and determine how to live these before your family. Peter finishes the list by saying "if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being an effective and productive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ" (2 Peter 1:8). This will be true even with your family.

Remember honoring father and mother is the first commandment with a promise attached! Find some ways to do this that will not compromise your convictions.

Welalin! God's blessing in your journey.

-T. L

A: For being so young in your commitment and relationship with Christ, you are asking the right questions. It is important not to isolate those who do not share our faith. Unbelievers have a perception of what a Christian is or is not. It will be your job, with the help of the Holy Spirit, to show them the kind of love Christ has for the lost. Matthew 5:14–16 (NKJV) says, "You are the light of the world. The city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do they hide a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lamp stand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light so shine before men that they may see your good works and glorify your father in heaven."

Proverbs 17:6 says you are a crown to your grandfather and your grandmother. Honoring your father and mother is a commandment with a promise (Ephesians 6:2–3). If you were asked to do something that will compromise your walk in Christ, you must ultimately be obedient to God's Word (Acts 5:29).

A family get together and dinner would be a good way to share about your new life in Christ. Compare old life examples to your new life in Christ and how He has changed your life for the positive. Reassure them that being a Christian does not mean abandoning them, but rather the opposite. This would be a great time to explain the gospel message and give them an opportunity to receive Christ, too.

Here are some practical, ongoing ways to show you care and want to be an active part of their lives:

• Be respectful. "Rise in the presence of the aged, show respect for the elderly and revere your God. I am the Lord" (Leviticus 19:32, NIV).

• Take them to a doctor appointment.

• Take them to get groceries or commodities.

• Help restock their wood pile.

• Share a portion of mutton, deer, fish, etc.

• Be a good listener. It shows you value their knowledge of many years.

• Include them in the family activities, kids sports activities, etc.

• Attend, when possible, and acknowledge birthdays, anniversaries and holidays.

• Visit them regularly.

You must balance these suggestions with meeting the needs of your spouse and children. In other words, don't neglect them in an effort to be a blessing to your unbelieving family. "If anyone does not provide for his relatives, especially for his immediately family, he's denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever" (1 Timothy 5:8, NIV).

Finally, "devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. And pray for us, too, the God may open the door for a message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ, for which I am in chains. Pray that I may proclaim it clearly, as I should. Be wise in the way you act towards outsiders [unbelievers]: make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone" (Colossians 4:2–6, NIV).

– L. S.

A: True love is unconditional. Others may make love conditional, but it is your responsibility to love people unconditionally.

One way to show people that you love them without turning your back on the Lord is to say no to them when they want you to do something that goes against your Christian beliefs. Saying yes to everything is not a sign that you love them; it's only way to protect yourself from the pain of rejection.

It's OK to say no, but it may cost you the relationship with some people. It's better to experience broken relationships with people and maintain a healthy relationship with God.

Another way to show people that you love them without turning your back on the Lord is to respect them for who they are. It's not our responsibility to change people; it is God's job. Our responsibility is to love and respect people even though we may not agree with them. Keep in mind that people who pursue Native spirituality are seeking spiritual fulfillment. The only problem is, they are looking for salvation in the wrong place. The reality is, nothing but Jesus Christ can satisfy the longing of the heart. Keep on loving people so they can come to you for help when they discover that their way is not the right way.

Finally, the most important way that you can show people that you love them is to remain committed to the Lord Jesus Christ. If you failed to maintain a healthy relationship with God, others may not feel the freedom to come to you for spiritual help and counsel when they do need it. People are watching you, and if they see your commitment to Christ is something that brings true peace and joy into your life, you just may be the one they come to when they want to give their lives to Christ.

Love people as they are. Remember that Christ loves you when you were a sinner and he died for you. That's the kind of love people want.

– L. W.

This is from the Indian Life Ministries book The Council Speaks.