Grief, Loss, and Intergenerational Trauma

 

Last updated 9/2/2021 at 4:27pm

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I once heard a man wiser than me say that looking at someone's worldview is like looking at an iceberg. There is what you initially see on the surface of the water and then most of the iceberg is under water.

The same is true with an Indigenous person's worldview. You see the behaviors on the surface of someone's life, but there are the reasons for these behaviors that the average person does not know about unless they understand that person's worldview, such as the unseen attitudes and values of that person's ethnic group.

The same is true for the issue of grief, loss, and intergenerational trauma. Issues going on below the surface of a person's life contribute to the behaviors you see on the surface-behaviors such as anger, depression, anxiety, addictions, isolation, and many others.

As a Sixties Scoop survivor, and as someone whose mom and uncles and aunts are residential school survivors, I have had a unique perspective on understanding and dealing with grief, loss and intergenerational trauma. Also, as a result of doing my doctoral work on the effects of colonialism on Indigenous people, I have ended up reading far more than I normally would on this subject matter. My own understanding of this issue has been transformed and developed the older I get and by the more life experience I encounter.

We all deal with grief and loss at many various levels-from the smallest experience to the larger ones. Losing your car keys or losing your glasses can affect your life in an immediate way, but once you find them, your dilemma is over and you move on. When you lose a job, this is an experience that affects you in a more intense way until you find another job. This experience can last a few weeks or a few months, depending on the type of job you lost and how hard it is to find a similar one. When a loved one dies, this can affect you for the rest of your life, but over time it gets a bit better. These are all examples of experiencing grief and loss in our lives.

When a person or a group of people like Indigenous people experience intergenerational trauma, it is similar to the type of experience when a soldier comes back from a war and lives with the emotional and mental and physical and spiritual side effects of being in a hostile environment. Another example of intergenerational trauma is when people came through historical events such as the Holocaust in Nazi Germany. This was considered genocide on the Jewish people and other ethnicities that were affected and detained in the concentration camps.

What happened to Indigenous people over the last 400 years has been considered genocide as well. This includes my ancestors that endured attacks by church and state through various forms of "civilizing" the "Indian." The worldview of the settlers was seen as more advanced than the Indigenous worldview and way of life. The events that took place, that go back to the mid 1400s, still occur at diverse levels today. Colonialism consists of many various stages and attitudes-everything from the buffalo becoming almost extinct to the Indian Act being implemented, which limited the rights of Indigenous people, to the spread of smallpox, to residential schools and many policies of assimilation from church and state. Many extensive textbooks and articles have been written on this subject matter.

All the actions and attitudes that have been forced upon Indigenous people had an immediate and long-lasting effect on all Indigenous people. These attitudes and actions by the dominant society have left an imprint on the hearts and lives of people as individuals and as a whole.

The average Indigenous person has a story. My story consisted of being adopted and not meeting my biological family until I was 18 years old. My ancestors all had their own stories of things that happened to them. All of these stories add up and affect the next generation. It's like a domino effect. Knock one piece down and they all fall down.

Within this framework of intergenerational trauma, there was a loss of many aspects of life. Loss of culture, loss of values, loss of parenting skills, loss of coping skills, loss of self-respect, loss of identity, and the list goes on and on. Each Indigenous person who is a Sixties Scoop survivor, like me, has to intentionally enter into his or her own healing journey. Just as many of the events that happened to Indigenous people, as a whole, happened intentionally, the same is true for the healing journey.

I have experienced a number of examples of grief and loss in my life. Yet, when you add intergenerational trauma to that list, it makes it that much harder to move forward and heal. I have to be purposeful and intentional about this journey of healing. As a believer in Jesus Christ, I have Jesus and the family of God to rely on, which helps me a great deal. I also have gone to professional Christian counseling for a number of years. There are other things that help me too, such as talking to other Sixties Scoop survivors, and educating myself through learning about the history of my people. All of these things help.

The Gospel accounts tell many stories of people healed from diseases and infirmities. Blind people, lame people, and demon possessed people. All of these people needed Jesus and Jesus met them where they were and helped them.

As a believer in Jesus I use a number of things in life to help me heal and try to break the cycle of intergenerational trauma in my own life and my own family.

I use my family doctor, I use a therapist, I use music, I use reading, I use talking, I use laughing and joking, but there have been times in my life where I used a lot of crying. It's not just one aspect of my healing journey that works, it's everything combined.

Understanding and dealing with grief, loss and intergenerational trauma is complicated, but it is possible. You don't have to be in an advanced program at university to enter into this healing process. You just have to be willing to enter the healing journey and start with where you are. You may be like me, in the sense that you have had certain behaviors that have been out there for everyone to see, like the tip of an iceberg-but below the surface are all the reasons for these behaviors. Others may not understand you, but Jesus does and wants to make you whole. Come to Jesus and he'll help you one step at a time.

Parry Stelter is originally from Alexander First Nation, Alberta, and now lives with his family in Stony Plain, Alberta. Parry is author of A Word of Hope for My Aboriginal People. He also produces a weekly 30 minute Bible teaching program with Word of Hope Ministries and CIAM Media. He teaches workshops on the topics of Reconciliation and Understanding Indigenous People. You can visit his website at http://www.wordofhopeministries.ca.

 
 

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