Intertribal Life Newspaper -

Holidays can be stressful as we often see people we don't necessarily feel good will toward! How can we make our relationships over the holidays-and at every get together-a little easier? Here are a few tips:

1. Silence is golden. You don't have to share every opinion you have-especially when you know it will rankle someone else. You won't change the person's mind by arguing, so unless your family just enjoys arguing, choose your battles, avoid the controversies, and keep your opinions to yourself.

2. A soft answer turns away wrath. You may have someone trying to pick at you and get you irritated. When you face someone like this, don't respond in kind . . . instead, keep your cool. Scripture tells us, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger" (Proverbs 15:1, NIV).

3. Leave the past in the past. Don't dig up the grievances of Christmas past. Yes, the person might have intended to do you wrong or might have made a mistake. If you have something gnawing at your soul about someone, either arrange a time outside the family gathering or other event to talk to the person, or ask the Lord to help you let it go.

4. Teamwork gets the job done. In many family or friend gatherings one person does the multitude of the work, and that makes for a big, exhausting production. How much easier it is when people pitch in and help. Take a few minutes to look for ways you can help. If you like to be fully engaged, talking to people when meal prep is being done, offer to bring a main dish, help with shopping or other planning, or help clean up afterwards. Everyone doing a little bit keeps one person from being overwhelmed . . . and that means you'll be able to have the fun gatherings more often.

5. Forgive, forgive, forgive. Any time two or more are gathered someone's feelings are likely to get hurt. Ask the Lord to help you have a forgiving heart. Give others the benefit of the doubt, and forgive as needed. That doesn't mean you don't have boundaries. It's okay to stay away from the person who tends to take jabs at you; it's wise to prepare yourself for those you know will try to tangle your emotions. But don't let the seeds of unforgiveness remain in your heart and grow.

6. Take a walk if things get too hot. If tempers start to get high and you feel your blood pressure rising, take a time out for a few minutes.

7. Take the first step to talk to others. Don't just stand in the corner waiting for others to approach you, even if you're an introvert. Create conversations. Perhaps take five standard questions with you to the event, such as: What's the most interesting thing that's happened in your life lately? What are you looking forward to in the next week? What are any New Year resolutions or hopes you have? What did your family do for Christmases in your childhood? What is a gift that you remember? Just a tip on getting conversations going: Don't ask questions that can be answered by "yes" or "no." Ask ones that take a little more detail.

8. Take a game with you. In case things get in a lull, pull out a set of Christmas trivia or have paper and pen for Pictionary or Scruples or another group game.

9. Keep the cell phone in your pocket. Yeah, it's great for showing photos to people. But be engaged. Don't even pull out your cell phone. Looking at the cell phone may keep you from feeling awkward if you don't know how to talk to people, but if you're absorbed with your phone, it will also keep people from talking to you. And it's just rude. It's tough to ignore those little electronics, but do so.

10. Love-and don't be too shy to express it. Life is short and unexpected. Take these opportunities to let others know how much you care about them. Be kind and be supportive. Be generous with the hugs and the compliments. Be aware that you never know who will not be at your gathering the next year. Live in the moment and enjoy the people you're with.