Hatfields & McCoys

My wife and I were in Oregon sitting around a campfire with some fabulous people. They asked what's the difference between Canadians and Americans? I said that Canadians are always apologizing and that I'm very sorry we apologize so much.

Canadians are sort of like the people living above a tavern, I said. Americans are making a lot of noise down below and every once in awhile we poke our heads out windows and say, "Hey! Keep it down!"

They laughed. One handed me a laser light so bright you could point out the canyons on Pluto. Another brought out a taser-a stun gun-and zapped his brother in t...