Even before the first snow falls, Christmas begins to make its appearance in our shopping malls, on our streets, and even in our homes. For those who live in cities and towns where winter weather is present for five months or more, beginning in October, images and lights of Santa, angels, and the birth of the Christ Child begin to appear in homes in early October after Canadian Thanksgiving.

Christmas in our dominant society is not always a happy, peaceful time. It has become more about getting presents for our family and friends and seeing who can outdo the neighbors with the biggest Christmas light show. This festive and joyful time has turned to a time of fretting, worry and anxiety. Someone recently posted this on Facebook: “Only three more paydays before Christmas…I’m screwed!”

Celebrating the holidays in our Native communities has also been more frenzied, dark and depressing. Instead of the holiday season being a time for happiness and joy the way it was intended to be, a thick cloud of depression often settles over our lives and communities in the midst of the frantic search for gifts. One of the underlying causes is the fact that most Native people walk with one foot in the dominant culture and the other in their tribal family and community.

When news of the school shooting in Marysville, Washington, spread across North America and around the world, there was shock and horror. While the suicide rate among Indigenous People is three times the rate of those in non-Native culture, the shooting in this small Pacific Northwest community was the first Native mass shooting/suicide to make it on national news on both sides of the border in recent years.

When Jaylen Fryberg walked into his school cafeteria and shot his cousins and three other students—most of them also Native Americans—before killing himself, people were asking—including his family and closest friends—how this could have happened?

Jaylen was a member of the Tulalip Tribes, an Aboriginal nation made up of close families that have undergone incredible change in the past ten years. As a tribe, they have advanced economically and in political circles. When this young Native student set foot in his high school that fateful morning, he was walking in with one foot in the 21st Century’s dominant society and the other in the world of his Aboriginal nation.

Seattle Times reporters Craig Welch and Paige Cornwell write, “There was the hormone-fueled community of a suburban high school freshman, where the polite, fun-loving chatterbox played football and video games and shared every nuance of adolescent social longing on Twitter.

And there was the tight-knit world of his Tulalip Tribes, where much of life was steeped in history and tradition and where virtually everyone he knew was family in some way.”

On that day or in the days leading up to those tragic moments, Jaylen suddenly “got lost navigating these universes.”

Most of the recent school shootings or suicides across the country are usually carried out by loners or people who have been bullied or considered outcasts. This young Tulalip teen was that exact opposite.

At least on the outside—the foot that walked in the “white man’s world.” What Jaylene wrestled with is a wrestle far more common than most would ever imagine—especially for our Native young people.

According to Native elder and teacher Adrian Jacobs, “depression often shows up in teenagers as anger.”

“We live in a dominant society where people need to be proper and polite. ‘Be nice.’”

Jaylene lived in that world and as an up and coming high school football player and Homecoming King, he was playing that role. But underneath, anger was seething because some value had been violated.

When anger reaches the boiling point, the mind or body breaks. This is what happened in the case of this young man.

What Native young people—especially young teens—need is someone to tell their story to. Somewhere they can be safe. That’s why so many teens turn to Facebook and Twitter. They need a place where they can share why he or she is sad or angry. Scream and yell it out in written words where the only censors are the Facebook managers and often they let a lot of stuff that’s not ‘nice’ pass.

Our Native young people need a lot of opportunities to express their emotions and feelings before they reach the boiling point. They need a friend or friends who will just listen without prejudice, preaching, or telling them what they need to do. Most of all, they need mentors. “Young men turn to gangs, drugs and alcohol because gangs serve as a ‘sharing circle,’ says Jacobs. “Gangs mentor our young people in the wrong ways but they do mentor.”

We do not know what was going through Jaylene’s head in the days or hours leading up to the shooting. But we do know that there were issues that never were resolved.

Traditionally, Native men were surrounded by a stress-free community. They were hunters and fishermen. They were surrounded by “emotionally present people, caregivers.”

Jacobs says that some people think hunters are “emotionally repressed.” He says those who say so don’t know hunters.

So what’s your holidays going to be like this year? Fretful or delightful, choosing to honor the traditions of the season or seeing how much debt and heartburn we can ring up.

If you’re not sure what to get the young person in your life, how about considering becoming a better parent or better yet, mentoring someone who has no father present in their life?

Oh and by the way, have a peaceful and joyous Christmas and safe New Year’s.